On the third trimester

The second trimester honeymoon is over. My wife has started to have difficulties doing the most trivial things. Just getting out of a couch has become difficult, not to mention biking. And she is more tired nowadays. She has always been up and about, but now when she has lost the capacity she gets very frustrated. I wouldn’t call this straining for our relationship, it’s just a changed dynamic.

As Fjant is running out of space, we have become more interested in what sex the he/she is. We feel that it would be more personal to know if it is a boy or a girl. It’s not that the sex matters, it’s just that we are tired of calling the baby It, or Fjant. We want to be able to call It a boy or a girl. We want to treat It as a person. And as a bonus we can cut approximately 50 % of the possible names. We will try to find out what Fjant is during the next ultrasound in a few weeks.

We’re in week 28 and counting…

On keeping secrets

In February, or so, my wife and I went to dinner and bowling with a bunch of friends. We had known since January 1st that my wife was pregnant, so we decided to fake it. We bought non-alcoholic beers for her and made them look like the real thing - not mentioning anything about it to anyone. The entire night went smoothly and nobody suspected a thing.

I think this is natural. It’s not like you are afraid you might jinx it, it’s just that you don’t want to publicly announce it just a few weeks into the pregnancy. I’m not so sure, however, as to how elaborate you are allowed to be - an still be considered sane. We went to great lenghts to make the non-alcoholic beer, Jever Fun, look like regular, alcoholic, Heineken, by switching labels. How sane is that?

Now, in May, the whole thing seems silly. Especially since we found out that two of our friends that were out with us that night were also pregnant at the time. And we thought that they were only being the designated driver and had to get up early the next morning, respectively. I guess we all succeeded in keeping our secrets…

On growing, names and strangers

Work has taken a lot of my time lately. Being a high-school teacher in Sweden, and probably in many other countries as well, means that April and May are filled with tests and essays that need correcting. A time consuming task. Blogging is not the top priority.

But just to update:

The belly of my wife is growing and growing, and it appears we have a lively child on our hands. Whenever my wife eats, lies down, or sits still, the baby inside goes crazy. She/he tickles, bumps, kicks, flutters, and moves around.

We also have a working name - completely unserious, and kinda stupid: Fjant. According to a dictionary it means something like busybody or fusspot (whatever that means). Any real names will have to wait. Hopefully we’ll have plenty of time in the summer to think of something serious. We hope to scan our family trees for something original, yet satisfying.

Lately my wife has had the unpleasant experience of strangers touching her belly. They seem to feel that just because you’re pregnant you’re public property. We consider ourselves open and social people, but there is a limit to what strangers should be able to do.

Week 24 and counting…

On new anxieties

A certain amount of anxiety over death is probably healthy. It is what keeps humanity alive. Recently, however, I have felt an increasing amount of that anxiety.

My wife flew to Stockholm and back the other week. On several occasions the most horrible scenarios flashed through my mind - so horrible that I don’t want to mention any of them here. Suppression might work.

In a few weeks I’m going to fly to London and back. The same type of flashes pop up inside my head. Death and destruction. And I’ve never been afraid of flying before. I used to love it, in fact.

But something has changed. New anxieties have reared their ugly faces. The only thing that has changed is the fact that we’re expecting a child. I don’t like these new worries. Hopefully they’ll subside.

Week 20 - we’re at half-time.

On new worries

About a week ago a 10-year-old girl, Engla, disappeared in Sweden. She was going to bicycle home alone for the first time in her life - a big step and a badge of maturity for a ten-year-old. She never arrived home. The whole country felt for her parents and many helped look for her. But to no avail.

Yesterday a man admitted to having killed her. A girl. Ten years old. Fucker.

I am strongly against the death penalty, but in some cases it would feel pretty darn good…

When my wife found out that Engla had been found dead, she cried - another thing she doesn’t do very often. We could blame it on hormones, but we won’t. Instead we will blame it on new perspectives, new points of view, new worries. Becoming a parent involves so much more than just having a baby. It involves becoming a father and a mother too. How can anyone be ready for that?

On nightmares

I don’t know if it has anything to do with the pregnancy, but my wife had a nightmare last night. She never has bad dreams, but on this occasion she let out a howling sound in her sleep. I shook her awake.

It was a bad dream - she had dreamed about a scary old lady who was about to wake up and chase her. I thought that the howling she let out was because she was scared, but I was wrong. Apparently, in her dream, my wife had tried to prevent the old lady from waking up by singing “Tomorrow” from Annie. I guess parts of “Tomorrow” could be mistaken for howling…

Hormones do incredible things to my wife, but nightmares about scary old ladies who are fought by singing numbers from musicals, are really something. Who knew?

On second contact

My wife and I have now been to the second ultrasound - the first scheduled one we have done in Sweden. We both had some private fears about what we would see. She hadn’t felt any movements in a few days, and neither had I. To ourselves we both feared the worst, but neither one of us dared tell the other until after the ultrasound. I think the fear is natural, especially since we are first-timers, but thankfully our fears were unfounded.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. There s/he was! And in 4D! Face! Fingers! Toes! Everything! A 207 gram person waiting to be released into this world. Tears welled up…

The nurse measured and checked and everything appeared normal. But my wife and I both know that nothing will ever be normal again. And we can’t wait.

ETA: September 6.

On movements

We think that we have felt the baby move, now. We are in the 17th week, so the time is about right. But we are not sure. Let’s put it this way: How do you distinguish between a baby’s movements and “other” movements? But after spending fifteen minutes touching and watching my wife’s ever-expanding belly, I am as sure as I can be. And time-spending-wise, there are a lot worse things you can do than that.

In a week we have our next ultrasound appointment. It feels like it was ages ago we had our first appointment. Apart from the belly growing - and the possible movements - it still has not sunk in properly. We think that the reality of it all will explode at the second sight of our baby - and the future kicks and bumps from the inside.

Although we are excited and thrilled about us having a baby, it is strange how time seems to be slowing down. The past few weeks have lasted for a long time. You would think that time would be moving faster at times like these. Oh well, at least there appears to be movements elsewhere…

On first contact

We went abroad to get our first ultrasound. Copenhagen, Denmark, is just twenty minutes away, but still. Sweden could not offer us what we wanted, so we went.

For first parents we are old - I am 35, my wife is 33 - so there is a slightly elevated risk for Down syndrome. We decided early that we wanted to test for it. Swedish hospitals only offer amniocentesis, but there are huge risks involved. They are about to also offer the nuchal scan combined with a blood test - which is 95 % reliable - but the bureaucracy works slowly in this country. In Denmark, however, they offer it - even to Swedes.

The nuchal scan is essentially an ultrasound. Seeing the first pictures of your baby - the numbers, calculating the risk, don’t really register. The baby was twelve weeks old, almost three inches long, and it waved at us - and we have the DVD to prove it. Although the numbers were in our favor, in the end, it is hard to even care. We are having a baby!

In two weeks it is time for our first scheduled ultrasound at a Swedish hospital. The baby will be more than twice as big since we saw it last. Can’t wait…

On making babies

We didn’t try that hard, my wife and I. We stopped using contraceptives about a two years ago and the wife started peeing on sticks about six months ago. On the fourth try we hit the ovulation perfectly. On New Year’s Day 2008 she told me she was pregnant.

We were happy, of course. We are both more than 30 years old, and the chance of getting pregnant rapidly decreases at our age. To get this kind of receipt on fully functioning organs is a blessing - if you believe in that sort of thing.

Let’s just say: Making babies wasn’t that hard.

And yes, I know my work is not done…